after giving it a brutal thought, i finally decide to stay and continue with it. i am not good at deciding but i hope this is right. i don't wish to see any party getting hurt because of me. but by trying doesn't kills right?

anyway, i know you readers don't understand my story. one minute i am down, the next minute i am back to me again. it's a difficult situation whereby i don't understand myself either.

anyway, it's over.

and to you, thank you for not leaving when i begged you to leave.

it's sunday and i'm schooling again tomorrow. and the day after. and the.............anyway, school has been draggy during lectures and tutorials and practicals but not during break or after school of course. i don't know. sometimes when i am determine to study, i find myself talking and laughing with my mates. how?

and it's only been a week in school and i have 3 equizzes to cover by 2359 tonight. but not to worry, i've done it all. hehe!

oh have i mentioned the movie titled Darah?

yeahh, catched it with Imran last Wednesday. sucha violent scene. very bloody. bodies chopped into pieces. stupid Darah's angry look scares the shit out of me. started to panic where all the lights went off in one of those scenes. and i just feel like puking the minute they..........ewww! i should not continue.

so that's for Imran's special day.

which to me is nothing special.

i'm sucha jerk at handling special days, alone. cause we only meet up at YCK int, took 72 to tamp, took 21 to EHub, get the tix to Darah movie, ate at KFC, then tadaaaaa! home. -_-

but he said he's totally happy spending his day with me. awwwww! now that's the word i preety expect it from him - happy!

hehe!

and last Friday i get to spent my time after school with Nana, Nabilah and Ummai! we're four together again, just like the old times sitting at south canteen with our foods during our break time. okay i am exagerating.

but seriously, our break time now is total different. that's not nice.

last night, i am too happy to have let myself turned in early without worrying of anything.

tonight, my eyes are still wide open, swollen.

i don't know what i've just said and done. i can't think well, let alone leaving my dead brain cells to have made such decision. i feel like every single thing is pressuring me.

it's my own life i am dragging others to deal with. i hurt someone so terribly. i am really an ungrateful one. i am stupid. veryvery stupid.

to you, if you're here, i am wholly sorry for saying harsh words without even thinking of your feelings. if you're willing to deal anything with her just for me, oh please be my vip.

that is my little cousin. she only wants to take picture with me. read that again, only with me! sister gets mad at me for that. haha!

so anyway, i've abandoned my blog yet again. i've been total busy. with outings, schools, meet ups and all. and so to make up for that, i shall just update in short on what i've been doing lately. of course i won't update every single thing cause i am short minded. i forget things easily.

had a meet up with muskiest last Friday to EXPO to check out on things that we may find it worth to buy. eventually, nothing. then to our all time favourite, Food Culture, for our dinner.

Nabilah and me get ourselves a new bag for schoooooool last Saturday! having a new bag adds 20% to our "eagerness" of going back to school eh Nabilah? and oh, Nabilah gets to meet Imran, Imran gets to meet Nabilah.

Johor with family on Sunday was niceeee! cause i get to shop for more things. whatelse. i'm a shopaholic, indeed. i don't only influence people like Nabilah to buy things ok, it's hard for me to even control my 'wants'.

Monday, schoooooooool! this time i've been greeted with 'Radin! You got license already ahhh? CONGRATS!' haha. macammacam lah kawankawan aku ni. baik cina mahupun melayu. my mates must have spread those words. i don't intend to let everyone know though. it's just a car license what right? no big deal.

met Imran after that and we caught Imagine That. and i started to not feel well. am having flu till now. school sick lah!

and as for today, i forced myself to school. i don't mind cause it's only for few hours. from 8 to 1. of course every lecturer release us early so we had more breaks.

so tomorrow is 21st of October and it's Imran's birthday. in case i didn't get to update tomorrow, i shall end my post today by wishing him in advance here.

HAPPY 20th BIRHDAY IMRAN! DAH TUAAAA KEREPOOOT! YEAY!

that four letter word leads me asking him about his past. about why he can simply move on while i can't. maybe i can and am moving on but something just stop me from doing so. it's like half of me wants me to be the best of me. while another half of me just wants me to stay guilty and keep dwelling about my past relationship.

we had our piece. each of our own.

i told him i've tried and am still trying. i guess he's right. i'm in a confusion state. i even told him i don't deserve to be loved. i'm such a pain, a heartbreaker, a sad story. and all he asked for is to forget my past and to turn over a new leaf. and he's willing to help me for a brighter future.

now i don't feel stupid. i gotta make my mark. and this time i'm gonna run it hard.

thousands of apologies for being away for days yet again. my very last post is about me bragging about that book right? so i am done with it. it was nice in the end. as always, these books have got nice ending. and i want more. so i've got a few more books to read from Haz. and this is how i live my last few days before shool reopens soon.

7/10/2009 9:36:36 PM Radin Shazwani : haaz oi!
7/10/2009 9:36:40 PM Radin Shazwani : bila nak jumpe?
7/10/2009 9:38:55 PM ~LINDA~ : haahahaha
7/10/2009 9:39:00 PM ~LINDA~ : kau uh tk ajak kluar!
7/10/2009 9:39:03 PM ~LINDA~ : hehehehe
7/10/2009 9:39:08 PM ~LINDA~ : besok nk??

then the next next next next minute...

7/10/2009 10:05:49 PM ~LINDA~ : see ya!
7/10/2009 10:07:54 PM Radin Shazwani : yeayyy!

so that conversation leads us having a meet up the next day. there were Haz, Nabilah and Syaf. it was very nice driving around with the forever-fighting girls in the car. i'm in there like one crazy girl who kept asking them "straight?", "left?", "right?" for directions. haha! except for the part which makes me go soooo mad; that Mazda red car. ahh! no use bragging about it. makan cheese lagi sedap. ok no link.

anyway, i was out with Imran again last Saturday to catch Phobia2. nyahaha! not scary at all. and he can even sleep in there. gaahh! but afterall, evening with him was nice. =)

it's 12th of October now so today is my sister's birthday.

RADIN SHAZIELA! HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY! please be a good girl(like me). HAHAHA!

so we celebrated her birthday in advance earlier yesterday. we all forked out some cash just to buy her that DSLR Finepix camera she's been bugging us for. now she's got it, senyaaaaap sikit.

ok now why am i so stupid? no wonder i can't click on 'upload' when i have not chose any photos on multiply. stupidstupidstupid! and i still got the guts to complain how sickening multiply is towards me to Imran.

now i've got new pictures. i've upload some. i'll upload more much soon. check out for my next post ok! and btw, sorry to have kept you all waiting on who's i'm gonna keep in touch with. i'm revealing it now. here. right this second.

it's.

i mean, he is.

Imran! the guy that i knew from my friend. hehe.

CORRECTION! pardon me for my previous post about Sophie Kinsella's book. i told you it has 29 chapters in total am i right? ok, i am wrong. it has 26 chapters altogether. and i'm at chapter 26 now. so much of me not wanting to end the story so soon.

but it's too addictive! i tried having it out of my sight but the next minute i found myself holding that book, flipping through pages the last i read.

just a few hours ago i stop myself right at the first page of chapter 26. and let my sister bring it out with her. my idea is nice isn't it? so that i could drag the story longer and keep thinking about what's gonna happen next.

but!

i need that book right this minute. i can't afford to stress myself to think about what's gonna happen next. gaahh!

but whatever it is, i can stay cool. i still have my laptop with me to brag about that book. rightrightright? even right till now i kept ranting about that book. haha. thousand apologies if i irritate all of you about that book but it's too nice for me to missed that one out.

by the way, i've been making a lot of money today. my job is total easy. just stay at home, entertain my mum's friend who came to visit for hari raya, then shake hand with them and pop!, there's my green packet. easy isn't it?

so those who's still schooling, be like me. stay home and make easy money! hahaha! ok i was joking.

so anyway, nabilah called earlier to know who i chose to stay in contact with(which i mentioned in my previous post). so i told her. afterall, she's always been the first to know everything about me. so be proud nabilah! and lucky i don't have tagboard. if not, it'll get flooded with her tags. haha!

so....the rest of you, you wanna know who?

alright let's be patient and wait for some more days ok. heehee!

i know, i've changed my layout again after months. that's what you get if i've got nothing else to do. i wanted to watch some dvds initially, or even finish up a book on Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella but too sayang to know the ending of the story so quickly. it has got 29 chapters in total and i'm already at chapter 23. i really don't wanna end it so soon.

so i used up my time with my laptop!

i've done scanning through pictures of "me and my BGs" and "me and my poly mates" the day we went out for HR outing on facebook. and it left me saying, "what a superb day!" hehe! then i went to my blog and it bores me out of a sudden, so that's why i decided to change my layout. it doesn't make much of a difference but at least, the background's colour changed, the phrase at the top changed, and.....that's it.

then i tried checking out my school timetable to see if it's available yet. but it's not so, let's check on some other thing.

get online on msn, nope. too lazy.

whatelse?

ok, i have a story. i've been keeping this to myself for quite awhile so it doesn't kills me if i'd like to share right? furthermore, this is a healthy way to make myself to move on.

alright, let's start.

i have this guy, a student who study in the same poly as me, admires me(i get to know that from my friend). and i have this guy, a friend of my friend, whom i just get to know weeks ago, cares and concern about my everyday well beings.

so if you were me, who'd you like to stay in touch with?

i've made my decision and i hope that it's right so if you wanna know who's that unlucky guy this madcrazyugly girl choose? check out my upcoming post, ok? haha.

MUSKIEST OUTING WAS FUN! FUNFUNFUN!







HARI RAYA WITH MY POLY MATES WAS FUN TOO!









oh pls, proceed to my MULTIPLY to see more lovely and fun pictures.